Beyond Memes: Public versus Private

There’s an interesting meme going around Facebook and blogs right now: 30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know. With Invisible Illness Week quickly approaching, the questions posed are particularly resonant.

I’ve thought a lot about how I’d answer the questions. For some, I had immediate replies, like “Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was __” (live abroad for a year) and “The hardest part about mornings are __” (trying to be awake and, you know, pleasant for early morning chest PT). But several of them touched on things that my experiences don’t speak to in the same way; namely, the “before” and “after” of illness onset, or, most notably, “If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would__.”

Like many lifelong patients, this is my normal. I cannot long for what I cannot imagine. But the question of which is better, to have known healthy before getting sick or to have never known healthy—a question that comes up fairly often—actually hints at something deeper than these static boundaries. This is my normal, this is the life I created from the circumstances in which I found myself and I would not trade what I have created for a taste of a different meaning of normal.

Though I’m not going to complete the whole meme here, I think it can be incredibly useful, and not just for people adjusting to sudden or adult-onset chronic illness. As I read people’s replies about what nice/surprising things others have done for them, it hit me how much of that is my normal, too. I’ve always been sick, I’ve always been surrounded by friends and family, so I have, quite literally, grown up having people respond to me with compassion, loyalty, and empathy.

In fact, the hospital visits, cards, phone calls, Fed-Ex’ed mix CDs, etc and the intrinsic knowing that there are people who will come in the middle of the night if they are ever asked form such an enormous debt of gratitude I feel no amount of similar deeds I do for others can ever repay it.

(Of course there have been moments of the opposite, and friendships that didn’t survive this, but like the careless comments, insensitive assumptions, or completely inane expectations I’ve received, they are exceptions, not the norm. Er, normal. Not trying to pun here.)

I’m not saying I haven’t had adjustments to make, or new realities to forge. I didn’t get correctly diagnosed with some of my more serious problems until I was an adult, and my treatments changed significantly. And like most patients with chronic illness, my health status fluctuates frequently and drastically, so life is a constant cycle of readjustment.

After mulling this over for a few days, though, I think the more striking “before” and “after” I can point to is that between illness being public or private. For twenty-three years I was sick and while it seeped into everything I did and every decision I made, it wasn’t something I talked about outside of family, friends, teachers, and of course, doctors. I’ve had some sort of a byline since I was 14, but the only piece of “public” writing that concerned illness was my college essay, and that was mainly because I felt I should probably explain why I missed the better part of two years of high school. You know, minor details.

And then, as the story goes, I found myself in a nonfiction course in my MFA program with a looming deadline and I didn’t know what else to write about, so I wrote about life in the hospital and suddenly, eleven other people knew more about my thoughts and emotions during medical crises than most people in my life did.

Weird.

A few years, a few hundred blog posts, one book and another in the works, and many, many exchanges with other writers, bloggers, and patients later, here I am. And as much as I work to update and refine my reality based on the color of my lung secretions, how much air I can breathe in, or what other random infection or problem that springs up, I find the balance between private and public just as important and just as complicated.

I strive for the universals of modern chronic illness but know those depend on particulars. After all, all writing must tell a good story, and that story comes in the details. I embrace the conversations and explorations a more public illness experience allows for, and I appreciate the irony that people who read what I write are sometimes more in tune with what’s going on than people I know—it’s a macro version of that first workshop experience I had as an MFA student.

But for all the stuff that happens offline, the daily minutiae and the more serious decisions and reactions that are part of my normal that do not make their way into my posts, I am equally grateful for the private experience of illness.

And so to return to the meme, let’s look at #26: “When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them__.” Based on this post, I’d tell them of the value of online communities and social media, of how interesting and affirming it can be to read other people’s experiences and see traces of your own story in them. I’d tell them to connect, to leave comments on blogs, to know no one has all the answers but you should always be open to learning from others’ perspectives.

And I’d tell them that the best-case scenario is to also have someone you can call when you are crying and need someone to hear the tears, or when you have good news that the people who have traveled this long road with you offline can appreciate the most.

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So Long, Summer

It’s been an usually long time since I’ve written—somehow, life and all its unpredictability conspired against me in terms of writing time.

And in the past several days, while I was adjusting to major work changes and family health stuff, entertaining visiting friends and making doctor appointments (because the good always accompanies the not-so-good, which keeps us sane and moving forward, I think) summer somehow slipped away. The cold, rainy weather of this past June and July and the two-week sweltering heat of late August did not constitute a real summer to my New England psyche, so today’s brisk temperatures and distinct autumnal crispness feel a bit hollow—you can’t say goodbye to those stereotypically lazy, hazy days of summer that really never happened.

As you know, I’ve been dreading the return of fall and winter in a way I never have before. Normally the choking humidity of summer in Boston and the luster of the promise of a fresh new start is a powerful combination that leaves me pining for September by, oh, July 4th. Seriously. I used to be the kid who had all her school supplies bought (hello, Trapper-Keepers and erasable pens) and organized by mid-July.

This year, not so much, but for good reason. I didn’t have any serious infections or freak medical calamities, which was a refreshing change. I got to sit next to President Clinton and talk about health care reform, and celebrated my fourth wedding anniversary. I woke up and on most days, I was able to complete the tasks I wanted. The daily maintenance and ministrations of chronic illness were white noise, routine parts of my life that did not define my life.

I want this trend to continue, despite the shorter days, the copious amounts of germs that accompany winter, the threat of H1N1(I’m not paranoid, just acutely conscious of my risks, just like I am with regular seasonal influenza), etc.

As I think back to my last post on hope (forgive the stream of consciousness style of this post), I’m reminded that we never can tell how things will unfold, personally or professionally. All we can do is move forward, do our best to minimize the variables we can control for, and adjust when necessary.

I have a medical plan in place to try and prevent another winter like last year, and more than that, I have a lot of things to look forward to this fall: new career challenges in academia, moving forward with my book, etc. As much as I’ve been willing time to stop lately, it hit me when I dropped some of my fall clothes off at the dry cleaners last night: that queasy feeling of anticipation.

September’s here, and I have every reason to believe (or to hope) it will be the start of good things.

***
Speaking of new changes and things to look forward to, I’m pleased to announce that my friend and colleague Jenni Prokopy from ChronicBabeand I are starting a radio show this fall. The Chronic Truth will debut in a few weeks on BlogTalk Radio. It will feature a variety of topics (diagnoses and doctors, relationships, health reform, etc), and will include guest experts, listener questions, etc.

We’re both really excited to collaborate on this (we had a blast doing our podcast) and will get the rest of details out to you as soon as we can.

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Hope (or something like it)

“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.”
Emily Dickinson

Fourteen years after I learned this poem for my freshman English class, I still remember every line. No, this is not because I am a fervent Emily Dickinson fan but because the paper I wrote about this poem turned out to be the first of several papers my teacher proceeded to read to her sophomore class, according to the sophomores cornered me at lunch to tell me. They were not at all impressed.

To get an idea of how awesome it felt to be the English nerd, here’s some more context for how cool I felt: the fall of my freshman year in high school, I was in a new school where a.) everyone knew each other already and b.) no one had ever heard of my hometown and didn’t seem all that interested in finding out more about it–or me. While everyone bonded on fall sports teams, I hobbled around on crutches, my reconstructed ankle still months away from healing. I prayed my ears wouldn’t visibly spew infected crap during school hours, and tried to hide how wheezy I got traipsing through the sweltering hallways one crutch step at a time.

Oh, and obviously I had glasses and braces, but come on, you knew that was coming.

As an adult, I can somewhat appreciate my teacher’s misguided enthusiasm for my ability to write a cohesive essay, but I wish she’d, you know, just written me a margin note or something instead of using my work to coerce her other classes into writing. She did my one-girl crusade for normalcy (invisibility?) no favors.

But enough digression. I’ve been thinking a lot about the word (or really the concept of) hope lately.

Some more context: I am a person of extremes. Now, I’ve evolved a little from my crazy full-course-load-and editing the school newspaper-and interning-and volunteering or spending-weeks-in-the-hospital dual existence in college. I’ve gotten sicker, I’ve matured, I’ve changed my treatment regimen, I’ve re-prioritized things and I’ve learned that occasionally, limits and common sense are good things. There is a middle ground between 18-hour days and the ICU.

But in many ways, I am still all-or-nothing. It is a strength and a weakness. Those who know me in real life know this. I know I certainly experience my emotions like this. When I get good news or learn about possibilities, I get so excited. The tenor in my voice changes, I have more energy, I am consumed. When there is reason to be joyful, I am not someone who can hide it, not in my words, my diction, my gestures, my expressions.

And this is a good thing—I don’t want to become someone who cannot or does not experience things so fully. But it is not without complications: my expectations for things are high, and my disappointment is correspondingly low. I can be hot-headed, and easily frustrated when things don’t work out. I can push things past the limit, and I can get too focused on doing to remember that goals are great but this does not mean they are not subject to revision. And sometimes should be subject to revision.

As I sit here preparing for another fall semester, I can’t help but think of that poem for more than its cringe-worthy memories. Though it has only been hot and summery for a few days in Boston, the shadow of autumn still manages to cut through the hazy humidity of summer. Leaves are scattered across the lawn already, and syllabi and new schedules must be set.

And for as much I love the fresh slate that is September, I am not ready. I’ve only just gained some semblance of stable health and in such a visceral way, I dread giving pieces of it back to every infection I know will come. My jaw clenches thinking about it. I do not want evenings to start at 4pm, I do not want to cough up blood, or lose holidays and weekends.

I would love September, if only October-April did not follow it.

I’ve put in long (long) hours on the book I am writing, and have realized the process is much slower than I had anticipated this time around. Reluctantly, I take research detours and “let things marinate” because it is what the book demands, but it goes against my nature to do this, especially with my daily word count stipulations hanging over me.

I’m expanding my editorial business and love connecting with clients and taking on new projects, and my excitement for it consumes me.

I am not patient. If I were, I would not exist so often in extremes. I have high expectations for my writing projects, for my career, for my health to remain stable, and for our future family (and that is certainly not an easy or quick process, either.)

I do not want to stand still when it is my nature to equate motion with progress. I do not want setbacks or delays; nor do I want winter, or to miss daily word counts, or to have taken such a circuitous route thus far towards being a parent.

And yet I yield.

All I can do is have hope: hope that things come to fruition as they are meant to; hope that I will have the wisdom to know when to pull back or push forward; hope that decisions we make now are right later, and hope that I don’t ever move too far from extremes. I don’t ever want to forget that fluttery, excited, jittery, all-consuming feeling. It took me fourteen years to name it as hope.

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Comparing Facts in Health Reform

From the television ads and late night comedy sketches to the daily headlines about “death panels”and colorful town hall meetings, it’s obvious the dialogue surrounding health care reform is as contentious as ever.

But what about the substance of the actual proposals, which seems somewhat lost in all of the rhetoric? Chronic illness is a huge factor in reform, which is why I listened in with interest to a press call announcing Partnership to Fight Chronic Disease’s release of “Hitting the ‘Bulls-eye’ in Health Reform: Controlling Chronic Disease to Reduce Cost and Improve Quality.” The document is a side-by-side comparison of the bills and offers five recommendations for how Congress could control costs through chronic disease prevention.

You can access the publication by clicking here.

As the PFCD’s Dr. Kenneth Thorpe pointed out during the press call, looking at the big picture there are two major sets of issues involved in the health care debate: slowing down health care spending and improving quality, and providing insurance coverage to the millions of uninsured Americans. While the latter is hugely important, with the release of this document the PFCD is focusing on the first set of issues, which affect the chronic disease population in significant ways.

Thorpe characterized the current proposals a “good start” but said the idea would be that Congress would come back in the fall and build on this foundation and offer more aggressive solutions. As such, the report identifies five areas to target, many of which are familiar to us by now: prevention, better coordination of care, reduction of administrative costs, etc.

One thing I was really pleased to hear relates to disease prevention. Of course, we all know the best way to reduce disease expenditures is to prevent conditions from developing in the first place, and there are many specific ideas relating to that. As I’ve written before, when it comes to health care and existing chronic illness, prevention is often more a question of preventing progression than anything else. As such, I paid particular attention when Dr. Thorpe said we need to make sure we’re allowing patients to manage their own conditions and we need to remove barriers that stop them from doing that. His examples included getting hypertension re-checked or following up with blood sugar testing with doctors to prevent long-terms complications like amputations, but my mind went immediately to the types of long-term therapies (like chest PT) that keep patients like me out of the hospital.

The side-by-side comparison of proposals is really quite helpful, so make sure you click on over and go through the information yourself.

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Synergy (in an unexpected way)

It’s been somewhat of a synergistic week.

Someone I love is in the middle of some serious health issues. I’m not going into detail because it’s really not my story to tell but more than that, the physical details don’t matter. What does matter is that this person faces a very long and difficult road, and is frustrated and in a lot of pain.

And I am on the outside. I am able to listen and make phone calls or do errands, but completely unable to do what any of us who care really want to do: make it better.

While I can understand the frustration and isolation of illness better than others might, even this familiarity is not enough to bridge the gap. Being able to understand the emotional aspects of this situation does not make me feel any less useless, or helpless.

And with that, I stopped and realized what it must sometimes feel like for the people who love us—so much of all of this is out of their control, too. We often write and think about control in terms of our own bodies—what medications we take, what preventive steps we adopt, what can go wrong not matter how carefully we plan otherwise.

But those who love us have their own frustrations (and I know this is but one of many). They can do so many amazing things for us day in and day out and most of the time, that’s enough. Most of the time, we’re all probably too busy living to stop and think about it much. But every now and then, it must really stink to stand by and watch someone you love go through a bad spell and not be able to do the one thing you want to, which is to fix it.

A couple of years ago I wrote this piece on marriage and chronic illness. I re-read it today, with an even deeper respect for what it takes to make a relationship so much more than the sum of its challenges, and an even deeper appreciation for my husband, who for four yeas (as of today) has shown me what it means to put someone else’s interests above your own without hesitation.

I know I am one of the lucky ones.

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Illness vs Disability

So, this post was percolating well before I was on vacation, but I’m glad I held off on committing it to the screen until now. My vacation was actually a pretty good complement to a line of thought that first began when I met up with Joe Wright of the wonderful blog, Hemodynamics—his posts are always so intelligent and insightful, and I knew speaking with him in person would not disappoint.

As with all good conversations, ours moved from an original specific topic and wandered towards something bigger and completely unscripted: chronic illness and disability, and the disability movement.

Now, if you’ve read this post on illness versus disease or the follow-up on language and the patient experience, you know how interested I am in the semantics of illness. Accordingly, I find the intersection of illness and disability pretty interesting, too.

For a start, people with chronic illness may be considered disabled, but people with disabilities do not always have chronic illness.

And if you’re wondering what vacation has to do with this, I’m getting there. While this summer’s vacation was more of a “working vacation” than years past, it was also one of the best ones. Unlike previous August trips, I didn’t have heart monitors or blood pressure cuffs with me. I had adrenaline, and therefore didn’t have to deal with the side effects of solumedrol infusions, and since I didn’t have an active respiratory infection I wasn’t chained to my nebulizer.

Instead, I took walks and brought my dogs swimming and had dinner on the beach and generally had a blast (work aside). My legs worked, my wheezes were dull, and my energy was good.

And in comparing the relative normalcy of our vacation to the chaos I am used to, I couldn’t help thinking about the ebb and flow of chronic illness, how sometimes the body can be cooperative and yielding while others times the symptoms take over so many aspects of daily life.

So for people whose chronic illnesses cause disabling symptoms, how does that boundary crossing work? Going back to the decisions we make when choosing terms to describe illness, when are you more likely to use the term “disability” versus “chronic illness?” Is it a semantic distinction of little significance to you, or is the former more difficult to adjust to or use? (And if so, why?)

I wonder if the choice to use “disability” is more tied up with receiving needed accommodations or services—a more public term—while chronic illness is a more private understanding of the ebb and flow of invisible illness outsiders might not get.

The other connection I’m just starting to tease out (expect more later) is that between the disability movement and patient advocacy in regard to chronic illness. Believe me, I am by no means an expert on the history of the twentieth-century disability movement (I am wading through a lot of articles, though, and am happy for any suggested resources). But from a macro perspective, and doing some major summary here, a lot of disparate patient populations eventually came together under shared goals: respect, employment, accessibility, etc.

Despite the fact that many patients with chronic illness also fit under the umbrella of disability, I do believe distinct differences remain. Reading other blogs and discussion forums, I am often amazed at the sheer variety of chronic conditions out there, by the way some non life-threatening conditions can be really incapacitating, some life-threatening conditions can have the appearance of relative functionality, and how quickly things can change for people. As patients, those with chronic illness have so many different needs and challenges.

So what are the shared goals of the chronically ill, and the catalyst that unites different disease groups and patient populations? Is it health care reform?

I’ve still got a lot of thinking and reading to do. Your thoughts?

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Are We Being Too Tolerant of Gluten-Intolerance?

“Are we being too tolerant of gluten-tolerance?” is the question Slate’s Daniel Engbert explored earlier this week.

Now, I have a lot of thoughts about the points raised. However, I also have a lot of thoughts about another post I’m writing on disability vs illness, the interviews I’m doing today, and all the stuff I’m supposed to pack for a “working vacation” that starts tomorrow, so I’m going to tackle some of the major ideas briefly.

Honestly, based solely on the headline I thought the piece was going to antagonize me (proof it’s a smart headline, no?) but I found myself agreeing with some of it. Of course, where I found myself nodding in agreement were the most obvious distinctions, but they’re important ones nonetheless. Using Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s best-selling book The G-Free Diet and the booming gluten-free food industry as context, Engbert establishes that:

“The lavishing of attention on wheat alternatives is wonderful news to the sufferers of celiac disease, for whom any amount of dietary gluten can inflame and destroy the lining of the small intestine.” Naturally I agree with this; in the five years since I was diagnosed, both awareness and availability of GF products has really increased. More restaurants have GF options, labels are more clear, and more GF alternatives line the grocery store shelves.

(As an aside, does anyone with celiac disease actually use the term “G-free” in public? No seriously, I’m asking.)

Yet I don’t think I’m the only one out there who has witnessed the downside of the popularity of eating GF. For example, because it is known that people without celiac are opting for the GF lifestyle anyway, there can be less urgency about making sure meals in restaurants are actually GF—the occasional eye roll or dismissive glance that means the person I’m talking to half-wonders if I’m avoiding gluten simply to lose weight or something.

I should add here that Engbert makes the distinction between celiac disease and gluten-intolerance pretty explicit; it’s the people who reside on the spectrum of intolerance who don’t have the full-blown autoimmune response to gluten but feel better when they remove it he’s worried about:

“I’m all for people eating what they want, but lately I’ve started to wonder how gluten intolerance might relate to a more general anxiety about food… Any kind of restrictive diet can help alleviate gastrointestinal distress. If you’re paying more attention to what you eat, there’s a good chance your symptoms will lessen.”

He goes on to say, “It’s well-known that our digestive system adapts its secretions (rather quickly) to whatever we’re eating.” By extension, then, removing all products with gluten and then consuming some after a prolonged period could make you feel sick, thus enforcing the idea that you are gluten-intolerant.

(I can vouch for the fact that my husband went GF for a month to see what it was like and when he gorged on starches his first meal “back” he felt awful. Was gluten a shock to his system, or just a sign he overate in a way he didn’t when he was eating GF foods? I’m not convinced either way, but I know he felt pretty miserable.)

I know a type 2 diabetic without celiac who removed gluten from his diet and experienced dramatic reductions in his insulin needs—was it because he was somewhere on the sensitivity spectrum and removing gluten improved his digestion and absorption of foods and that somehow influenced his metabolism of insulin? I’m not an endocrinologist, so I can’t say. But could it be something as simple as removing gluten meant removing the more processed white starches and carbohydrates that spiked his sugar?

I don’t have the luxury to “slip up,” nor am I qualified to dissect those who are gluten-intolerant—we face many of the same challenges and gains in eating GF.

I guess my point is, to me, it doesn’t matter—in my example of the diabetic, the end result was that he felt better and needed less insulin. That’s the important part. If the gluten-intolerant have their own health improvements, that’s a good thing.

I live GF and have no regrets—I eat whole, fresh vegetables, complex grains with plenty of fiber like quinoa, and consume no processed foods. It is not without sacrifice or expense, but in many ways, I see it as a much healthier way to prepare and consume food. If others choose to do the same and experience the same benefits, that’s great.

And here’s where Engbert’s argument gets a bit more interesting. He parallels the rise of eating GF with other diet trends, like Atkins, at the same time admitting he doesn’t think people who choose to go GF are simply secretly trying to lose weight:

“When a restrictive diet becomes an end in itself, we call it an eating disorder; when it’s motivated by health concerns, we call it a lifestyle. It might also explain the relationship between food sensitivities and fad diets: People who are intolerant of gluten or lactose get a free pass for self-denial.”

Not to use the word “sensitive” too much, but I am particularly sensitive to this association between elimination and health. After all, I chose to go dairy-free even though I’m not lactose-intolerant because it helped decrease mucus production. That got a few eyebrows. And when I eliminated sugar and yeast for nine weeks due to my intense antibiotic regimen that wreaked havoc in my GI system, I got more eyebrows.

I consider these moves wholly health-motivated, so my choices would be classified as “lifestyle” ones by Engbert’s definition. But from the outside, perhaps they appeared otherwise to other people?

At the end of the day, I can’t worry about or judge the dietary choices others make or what they think of mine, so I’ll leave this where Engbert does—all this awareness is truly a good thing for celiacs, as well as the people who have celiac but have not been diagnosed yet but have a better chance of it now.

Do I think we’re “too tolerant?” No. Do I think extremes exist in every situation? Sure. Is that a reason to decry real progress for so many people? No.

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On Listening and Judging

I’ve been thinking about the online patient community a lot lately. When I first started blogging a few years ago, I was in such a different place. Not only was I completely new to the concept of the medical blogoshpere (I was just a girl sitting in office hours who decided to start a blog), but I was quite new to many of my diagnoses, namely primary ciliary dyskinesia, bronchiectasis, and celiac. I was also in the middle of acute adrenal failure.

As I wrote in Life Disrupted, it wasn’t that getting labels suddenly meant I was “sick.” Certainly the twenty-three years, numerous surgeries, and months in the hospital that made up my medical history did that. Rather, the correct labels now meant the descriptions of my illnesses finally matched my experiences.

I had a lot to learn about my conditions, my treatment plans, and most of all, how I wanted to mesh what I needed to do for optimal health with my professional and personal goals. I learned a lot from my new doctors, from my own research, and from other patient bloggers. Each source provided a different type of information, from clinical summaries of prognoses and data points to personal, anecdotal wisdom from those living with the treatments and side effects every day.

I often write how much I believe the universal experiences of illness far outweigh the disease-specific symptoms: getting a diagnosis, finding a compatible doctor, struggling with employment or personal relationships, navigating the process of acceptance, etc. Based on the variety of different patient and disease blogs I keep up with, I am further convinced of this.

But there’s something else I’ve gained from reading and processing other peoples’ disparate stories: I think I am less judgmental than I used to be.

It’s easy to think your reaction to a diagnosis, your treatment plan, or you feelings about particular procedures or practices are the “right” ones if they are all you know or think about. Sometimes the differences are smaller, like maintaining a gluten-free lifestyle by choosing only naturally gluten-free foods versus learning how to bake gluten-free equivalents of “regular” food, inhaling a certain kind of saline in a nebulizer over another, or choosing one type of specialist to handle a condition versus another.

Sometimes they are more profoundly life-changing, like deciding to try an experimental procedure, putting a name on a transplant, or deciding which way a family is going to bring a child into the fold.

Regardless of the enormity of the decision, having access to so many interpretations and points of view has reinforced to me how important is to see things from many angles, to respect that what works for me might not work for someone else and vice versa, and to understand that we don’t always have to agree with other people say, do, or write, but that’s okay—it’s not always our call to make.

When you write things and post them publicly, you sign up for discussion and sometimes disagreement—that’s what makes blogging so dynamic, and what makes it a conversation, not a monologue.

But sometimes, in the offline world of the healthy that each of us spends so much time in, I want something different. I don’t always want a conversation, or debate, or input that becomes static in my brain. When I’ve done the research and had the talks and made a decision about my life or my health, I don’t want to have to explain or justify or defend.

Sometimes, I just want the act of listening to happen. And hopefully with listening will come understanding, but I’ll take just the listening for a start.

Does that make me a hypocrite? It might, and I accept that.

Every now and then, I wish there was a way to easily moderate the comments that happen in real-time…what I really want to say is trust me.

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Making Gluten-Free Eating Easier

My recent foray into eliminating sugar and yeast from my diet have me thinking a lot about what I choose to put into my mouth. As an almost six-year veteran of living gluten-free, I’m used to doing that, of course, and I’ve written before about how I view my celiac diagnosis as full of opportunities, not restrictions.

While there are always occasional missteps or awkward experiences, after all this time I don’t stress too much about what is safe and what isn’t. I have my regular favorites recipes and my grocery store routine down pat. I’m comfortable asking questions in restaurants, and know to look for the “secret” sources of gluten that can make me sick. At this point, I think one of the more challenging parts of celiac disease is making other people comfortable and familiar with what I can and can’t eat. I don’t want relatives needlessly worried about giving me roast potatoes or rice (for some reason, the fact that they are starches used to make them think they weren’t safe), and I don’t want to cause extra work or concern for them.

I’m fortunate to be able to say that my friends and family are wonderful—they want to include me, and often branch out into things they might not have cooked before because I’m around, like risotto or polenta. They do their best with what I know is a steep learning curve.

That learning curve—the same one newly diagnosed celiacs also face—just got a little easier. I recently had the change to speak with the lovely people at Zeer, which is a “food information resource that makes it easy to find safe food. It helps people save time, stay safe, learn particular diets and live better lives.”

In response to the active, passionate gluten-free community on their review site, Zeer created Zeer Select, a subscription services for gluten-free shoppers that launched just a few weeks ago. The services includes a database of 30,000 food grocery products (a number that will keep growing), each labeled with a gluten-free safety status. (Not to worry—each product is evaluated by a team of physician and dietician experts to verify the safety and accuracy of the labels.)

Products are coded as either being gluten-free (safe), appearing to be gluten-free, or containing gluten. The ingredients for each product are included, so if a product is not specifically labeled gluten-free by the manufacturer but none of the ingredients are known to have gluten, the consumer can read them and make the decision to purchase it or not. Of course, for products that are not safe, the actual source of the gluten is noted. Users can search by food type, brand, or UPC code, and features like a list of suggested alternatives for “unsafe” foods are really helpful.

First of all, I always like to hear when a company pays attention to its customers and responds to their needs. Zeer did not start out customizing in gluten-free services but saw how engaged its gluten-free members were and things emerged organically from there. Secondly, Zeer Select fills a void in the online gluten-free world. Often, when you Google gluten-free foods, lots of recipes, blogs, and commentary pops up—which is great, but if you’re looking for grocery items, it is much more difficult to isolate the answers to your questions.

I spent some time on Zeer Select, searching for specific brands and specific items, like salad dressings, and found it really easy to navigate. If you’re interested, click on over and you can take a tour, too. The service is $14.95 a month, and they plan to build out the intelligence to include other specialized plans, like dairy-free, casein-free, and vegan diets.

If you’re newly diagnosed and not sure what you can and can’t put into your grocery cart, you will learn a lot from this service. But as I think about the ups and downs of the past six years, I realize it’s not just the newbies who benefit—the people around us who want to learn and cook for us and with us do, too.

(Food Allergy Buzz wrote about the launch, too—check it out to hear what others are saying.)

While we’re talking about celiac disease, Scientific American just published an in-depth article about celiac disease and autoimmunity—definitely worth the read!

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Don’t Know What You’ve Got Till It’s Gone

I didn’t realize just how little energy I had as a result of my malfunctioning thyroid until I started taking thyroid medication—it was the kinetic equivalent of putting on a pair of eyeglasses for the first time. Everything was sharper, clearer, more focused.

It was a whole new world. Can you relate?

I didn’t realize just how awful (sluggish, congested, weak) I felt when I ate foods containing gluten until I stopped eating them, and immediately ditched the sinus headaches and malaise. Similarly, I didn’t see just how foggy and gross I felt eating foods with sugar (wine, fruit, vinegar, etc in my world) while on suppressive antibiotics until I eliminated all sugars from my diet and no longer got spacey or clammy or had palpitations.

Five years apart, these experiences opened up “whole new worlds” on their own—not without sacrifice, but totally worth it. Have you been there, too?

And of course, I couldn’t tell just how much the muck festering in my lungs clouded over everything and constantly made me feel awful until I started treatments that actually addressed it—postural drainage, chest physiotherapy, etc—instead of just throwing steroids at it and hoping the infections would subside.

It was a whole new world, one that didn’t automatically include multiple weeks in the hospital every year. Have you experienced that type of profound relief?

Sometimes you just don’t realize how bad things were until you do something to correct it, until things are different. When it comes to medical stuff, this isn’t always a bad thing. After all, if we can look back and compare a “before” and “after” favorably, then we’re doing something right; we’re treating the right thing or implementing the right therapy or making the right lifestyle choices.

And right now, I’m experiencing a related type of gratitude. It has been two months and change since I was acutely ill. That’s right, 10 weeks of relative normalcy, a huge step given that for the past year or two my stretch for bad infections had been about two weeks at the most. The few infections I’ve had have been much more minor than normal, so beyond the daily coughing/wheezing and maintenance, my various conditions have been really stable. Part of it is because my “bad” season is over (September-May), part of it is because I am out in public less during the summer (no commuting to germy college campuses), and I know a huge part of it is because of the very aggressive treatment I’ve almost completed.

Whatever the constellation of factors is, I’ll take it.

I forgot what it was like to be able to accomplish a lot of the things I want to do every day, or to make plans without hesitation or fear I’d just have to cancel, or to go to gym and know my lungs and body will hold up their end of the bargain. I forgot just how great and necessary it is to see friends in person, and be part of family functions, or leave the house and do fun things with my husband on the weekends.

Only now that the vortex of that long, awful winter has finally released me can I say that I didn’t realize what an effort simply getting through the routine of daily life was until it was no longer an effort.

And I love this feeling. It’s a whole new world.

Can you relate?

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