There are many reasons I decided to start trying to run. Notice how I phrased that—I am still such a novice that I can’t really say “I run” and am not even close to saying “I’m a runner” but I am almost 7 weeks into the C25K program and I’ll be the first to admit I am shocked at how much I love it.

Or to be more specific, I am pretty miserable during it, but I absolutely love how I feel when I am finished, physically and mentally. Each time, I feel stronger, I feel more confident, and I also cough up more junk than I ever have with any other aerobic activity, so I know it’s doing great things for my lungs.

Ostensibly, I first started training for a 5K because I signed up to do the MS Muckfest, a 5K obstacle course in the mud. I knew the actual running would be in fits and spurts as we moved through the obstacles, but I figured if I could run that amount, I’d be in good physical shape for the event. (I’m also combining it with strength training at the gym and Jillian Michaels’ Shred workout, to build up my core and arm strength.) The event is this Saturday, and while I have a couple weeks left in the C25K program, I definitely think it’s made a huge difference.

It’s hard, of course. The first week I almost laughed at the notion I could run more than a couple minutes without getting winded. Even though I’ve exercised regularly for years, my lungs burned the first few days. A couple more weeks in, I was logging longer running spurts but wondered when I could do a whole workout without getting a cramp from improper/poor oxygenation. I played around with when I took my inhalers and used my sinus spray, and looked for flatter routes so I could just focus on breathing—hills and speed can come in time.

Seven weeks in, I look forward to it. I still have such a long way to go but my goals are changing, too—I want to do a straight 5K event, but next summer, there is a 7-mile road race I’ve always thought looked fun. I am not fast and I am not graceful, but I now know if I keep plugging away, I will keep seeing improvement in my stamina and endurance. I cheered on runners at the Boston Marathon the other day, and was so inspired by their dedication and grace. I still can’t imagine actually running 26.2 miles (huge shout-out to my friend and inspiration, Audrey, who rocked Boston the other day and looked totally amazing when I saw her at the halfway point), but I can more easily understand why people do it.

The Muckfest was a good catalyst for running, part of it is also that running has always been something I just couldn’t do, and I hate that feeling. But it’s more than simply wanting to conquer something that has always challenged me. I explained it once to my husband as we finished a run together—that second wind they tell you about? It’s totally real. That feeling of just tying up my sneakers and taking off down the road? I have never felt more free.

A lifetime of illness, of surgeries, setbacks, crises, broken bones, etc., will shake your faith in your body. The disappointments tally up, and the sense of feeling hemmed in is profound. I am very confident in other aspects of my life, but my confidence in my body to do what I want and need it to, to depend on it, has always lagged behind. (With the major caveat of carrying a baby and keeping her safe—however rocky, my body did its job then).

So those are the reasons I started trying to run. The biggest reason I am planning on sticking with it? My three-year-old daughter. She watches us run and she puts on a headband and starts running around, too. She knows we signed up for an event and she asked to run a race of her own, and is now registered. (I am not sure which she’s more excited about—the actual running part, or the official race t-shirt she will get).

I don’t care if she ever runs a 5K, I don’t care what sport she ends up playing or if she’s ever the fastest or the first—I just want her to be confident, and to feel strong.